some of it

To perform solitary work
For well more than a decade
To be alone
To be pumped so full of the energy of the universe
That you feel as though you will burst from the fullness
When it is happening

To feel death most every day
And some much more than others
To yearn for connection
To yearn for love
Lost and yet to come
And then finally
To have it

To smell and see and touch
And live among baseness everywhere
To be disgusted by your fellow man
By your culture, your society
Their values
Their waste
Their constantly demonstrated stupidity
And then to love, to cherish, be astounded by, in awe of
And so deeply thankful for
Your nation
Its premises
Its history
Its elasticity
Its variety
Its output
And its opportunity
Which is your opportunity
While realizing at the same time how broken it is
Just like us

And then to identify with anyone who does what you do
And feels what you feel
In any place and any time
Much more than those who do not do and feel these things and ways

To feel always
And to be numb
To be broken
And broke
To live like a king
To treat yourself, and others
And search endlessly
Hoping to grow

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